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I was sexually abused by my biological father when I was young, it's hard to believe that I still remember it, clearly.
I knew it was wrong even then and there but I was young, I was afraid and ashamed to reach out to anyone, so I buried it.
Growing up with such memories were hard, especially being back home where such things were considered a taboo, that is also another reason why I left my country at a young age to forget about it in hopes I can move on.
I can't deny that it affected me greatly.
I turned to alcohol and drugs, anything that can make me feel something. I'm not proud of it but it is what it is.
I never understood why people look up to me, I feel like I'm fooling everyone.
I was a mess, just trying to achieve my dreams and forget about my pain.
It doesn't matter how fucked up I get or beautiful places I go, I hated that he is in my blood and he made me.
My pain caused more pain when I fell into severe depression, for the longest time I was stuck.
I couldn't create, I couldn't move forward, it feels like I'm stuck in limbo.
It affected my first marriage, I lost many good friends along the way because I hated myself so much I couldn't accept love and help.
I was destructive and I still am.
I went through five failed suicide attempts, I hung myself about a month ago, but two people saved me.
My boyfriend saved me, he has been there for me since I met him.